I wish I can say this to you but I can’t. I have so many words for you but it seems like I can’t utter it personally (maybe). If that time will come, you’ll feel the very loud silence, the very aching pain, the very unexplainable longing, grief, and all of the random shit I’m feeling and you’ve made me feel. A few days from now and I’ll be twenty-three years of age and yet I still didn’t receive any explanations of the hows and whys. Yes, I am still wondering, when will that be.
I don’t know exactly what it feels like to be talking heart to heart about my frustrations, happiness, or anything going on with my life. I don’t know how it’s like during family days, or on Sundays that I have this father to cling my arms with upon going to Church, or how it’s like when I was a child to be sleeping on our couch and magically waking up on the bed already. I don’t know how it was having suitors with a father interviewing them, or having a boyfriend telling him not to hurt me or else he’ll get serve what he deserves. Never in my life that I have a father to tell about my grades, how difficult my projects and assignments were or how school days were jovial or challenging. Well, thanks to my grandfather, he did it for me, he did it all for me. Does it feel the same?